If you thought last month’s chess grandmaster anal bead conspiracy saga was the worst thing that could happen to a competitive sporting event, I’ve got some bad news for you. The rollicking world of competitive sports fishing now has an oh-fish-ial controversy of its own after competitors at a tournament in Ohio were caught stuffing their catches full of heavy balls of lead, artificially increasing their weight. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Last week the fishing competition, Ohio’s Lake Erie Walleye Trail tournament, was marred in controversy after onlookers discovered fisherman Jacob Runyan sea-cret to success: stuffing his catch of walleye fish to the gills with lead balls and commercial fish filets. Prior to the scandal, Runyan and his fishing partner Chase Cominsky were regarded as some of the best anglers in the sport, according to Cleveland.com. Now his entire legacy is under scrutiny.
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CNN—which might be in line for a Pulitzer for the headline “Cheating scandal at Ohio tournament rocks competitive fishing world”—reported that Jason Fischer, the director of the tournament, first became suspicious of Runyan when his catch of walleye fish weighed in at seven pounds. Typically, this freshwater fish, colloquially known as a yellow pickerel, weighs four pounds wet. After slicing into the bellies of Runyan’s catch, Fischer, the crowd of onlookers, and the other competitors discovered a treasure trove of lead and additional fish meat lodged within each of their bellies. For shame.
“Where’s your crown now,” yelled one person in the crowd.
“I mean we all fucking knew it,” remarked one guy who apparently knew Runyan wasn’t shit.
“He needs to go to jail,” said another outraged onlooker.
Runyan and his partner Cominsky were jockeying to win some $28,760 in prize money, accumulated from the competing fishermens’ entry fees. But once the jig was up, folks in attendance reacted in kind to the besmirchment of the nautical competition. Cops were called, a multitude of “motherfuckers” were uttered, and CNN reported that the matter further escalated into an open investigation by the Cuyahoga County prosecutor’s office.
Fischer told CNN that Runyan and Cominsky are banned from ever competing at future Lake Erie Walleye Trail tournaments. Time will whether the Cuyahoga prosecutors will find Runyan gill-t of fisherman crimes but that video is looking eely crystal clear that he did it…addredgedly.
